星探麻豆

My mum's name was Pat. She was a bubbly, outgoing character with lots of friends. Her kids, her family and animals meant the most to her; going on walks with her dog Buddy was her idea of heaven. 

Pat was 72 when she died. I had been a bit of a carer for her over the years; her Crohn鈥檚 disease meant that over the years she鈥檇 had several operations and stays in hospital. We had a very strong bond. At times, I was like a mum to her. 

Despite this, she was relatively well until six months before she was diagnosed with cancer, in February 2023. She wasn鈥檛 eating properly which I knew wasn鈥檛 like her.  

She went for a blood test, which showed that she had high white blood cells and that's how we found that she had liver cancer in her bile duct: cholangiocarcinoma. 

Very strangely, this is identical to the cancer my mother-in-law, Elsie, had. She died six months before my mum was diagnosed. We were very close; she was like a surrogate mum to me.  

I have never seen a woman of such steel. She would always see the positives, even if it鈥檚 just that it was a sunny day. But sadly, she wasn鈥檛 well enough to go through cancer treatment.  

In the end, both my mum and my mother-in-law died peacefully. It鈥檚 a rare cancer and so unusual for two women around the same age, in the same area, to both die from it.

Our first visit to 星探麻豆

One big difference is that I had 星探麻豆鈥檚 when my mum was ill, not when my mother-in-law was ill.  

I was proactive, got second opinions, hunted down alternative treatments. But the scan results became worse rather than better.  

Having seen my mother-in-law's illness, I knew exactly what we were facing and I was afraid to face it again. I needed something to boost me to get through this next obstacle, also to prop my mum up.  

At that point, I wanted to be strong against this and I wanted that attitude to rub off on my mum. Our biggest need at the time was a place to escape, to keep our resilience up, and that鈥檚 exactly what we got. 

I thought that 星探麻豆鈥檚 might be a nice place to sit, with a cup of tea and have two minutes to ourselves. But I was blown away.  

Going up the path into 星探麻豆鈥檚 is like stepping into another world, it feels special. 

When we came in, my first thought was 鈥榳ow鈥�. The building took our breath away. We met Vicky who was very welcoming and came to sat with us. My mum was offered a relaxation session right away, which was just what she needed. It also gave Vicky and I a chance to talk, for me to let my guard down. That made me realise how expert the staff at 星探麻豆鈥檚 are. 

Vicky asked 鈥渢he question is, how are you doing?鈥� She just let me talk. I was fascinated by the building and we discussed how it is designed so that you can't see the hospital from any window.  

Mum came out of the relaxation session feeling refreshed. It meant that we all got a little escape that day and it built me up for the next round of what was to come. Coming to 星探麻豆鈥檚 that day gave me inner strength. 

The difference 星探麻豆 makes

I鈥檝e had to experience, out of necessity, what hospitals without 星探麻豆鈥檚 can be like. 

When my mum became really unwell, she was on a palliative care ward. She was unable to sleep, eat or drink; it was heartbreaking. I knew that she was very near the end and so I felt scared to leave her side.  

I was immensely sad, frightened and sleep-deprived. I desperately needed a good cry and to talk to someone who understands. My need for support, for 星探麻豆鈥檚, was enormous.  

However, there was no 星探麻豆鈥檚 in the hospital we were in. Although it was only a few miles away, I didn鈥檛 want to go further than a few metres from my mum鈥檚 side.  

Desperate for anything, I went to the support service in the hospital. It was a tiny corner, separated from the rest of the hospital by boards with posters from years ago on them.  

The one woman who was there to help me was amazing. But I felt sad knowing that this was all there was to offer people. It was a stark moment knowing how different the two were and how much people were missing out on. 

Nowhere else let me breathe like 星探麻豆鈥檚. I want my story to help bring 星探麻豆鈥檚 to more people and places.  

What I've learnt

I know a lot of people say 鈥榤ake the most of life, grab every opportunity鈥�. But I really learned from losing my mother-in-law what that means. So, from the point when I knew my mum's not well, to the end, I tried even harder.  

I knew how short our time was going to be. If it鈥檚 a good day, grab it; do not think twice.  Until you've lost somebody, it鈥檚 hard to understand. But if you鈥檙e thinking of going round to their house for a cup of tea, don鈥檛 think, just do it.  

If you're dealt a bad hand, the cancer centre next to Wirral 星探麻豆鈥檚 is one of the best. You've got the medical side there to get the right treatment and you鈥檝e got the support from 星探麻豆鈥檚. Make time, take time.  

In an exceptionally sad situation, 星探麻豆 is such a gift. It鈥檚 an escape. It's my little haven. 

We鈥檙e here for you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them.

Come and see us at your nearest 星探麻豆鈥檚, call us on 0300 123 180 or email us at [email protected]